The beginning that ended.

Zach is gone. He met 'the phoenix,' or my alter ego, as my friends put it when they add 'the.' He showed up to come get me, and he had a hickey on his neck. A FUCKING HICKEY ON HIS NECK. I had already drank 2/3 of a fifth by myself, at my friend's, so I was pretty pissed. She was sick, so I ended up going with him anyway. He was high, and that kind of pissed me off too, so we ended up going to a party at Butler, and I got trashed. The last thing I remember was sitting at a table, making fun of a girl. I mean, she just really had BAD hair!

Anyway, I guess him and I got into a verbal fight, but then made up and were making out in the car. When his friend Kelly pointed this out, I guess I punched her in the face. Yep, 3 times. I didn't even STOP kissing him, which I thought was pretty talented.

I was told all this the next day, after we found the mess I had left in the kitchen, attempting to make my drunk ass some food. He laughed, but I saw the fear and concern in his eyes. He was kind of freaked out about what I did, and he couldn't hide it. So yeah, I haven't heard from him since. I got a new cell, so I called to leave him that number, and left the message, "This is my number now, should you choose to call it." I'm guessing that was me giving him the ball, and it was up to him to play his offense.

I'm kind of upset. I say kind of, because, still, he had a hickey on his neck. I'm sure that's why 'the phoenix' came out to play. He had gone out to gay bars the night before, so either a) he's a whore and made out with someone the night before, b) he's seeing someone else, or c) wait, he's still making out with them pretty fucking ferociously because hickies just DON'T happen by chance. We hadn't engaged in the "exclusivity" talk, but still, I'm the type of guy, when I find something I like, I don't look for anything else. (Funny, I just shrugged as I typed that.) And it still hurts my feelings when they are looking for someone else, even if he isn't just mine.

This is why I'm sure I could never do an "open relationship," or anything of the sort. Probably smashing my chances to date a lot of men, or date ones that will just cheat on me behind my back. This is why I'm giving up on men, and getting fat.

Suggested listen: Phoenix- Consolation Prizes