What in the hell

So....is it just me, or is everyone like in love? I mean...jesus, maybe it's just me noticing more because it's the holidays and well, I'm alone. Seriously though, it seems everyone is in a couple. It's like a secret club that I haven't been invited to, and may never be. And it makes me feel weird to talk to the club members because they might say they "understand," but really they don't CARE, because, well, they're in a club...duh. I had this boy Justin over on Sunday, and that was our 3rd date. I suppose things are going really well, I mean, we cuddled and kissed and stuff (puke, I know...), but after he left, I kind of had this little grin on my face. Hold on...let's wait for 20 minutes to set in, and then I'm like WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? I can't imagine being in a relationship. Like, ever. Not that I want to run around to the tune of Nelly Furtado's "Promiscuous" for the rest of my life, but I seriously can't imagine it at all. Let's take a look back at my romance history. I've had one boyfriend. 4 months...IF even that. Truthfully, it was a terrible relationship, because it was both of our firsts, and he was closeted. Oh well, right? Basically, since I'm gay, that was the equivalent of me having a stupid high school relationship that everyone leaves high school with the knowledge and growth of "Why the fuck did I do that?" You think back to your high school days for an example, and nod your head in agreement.

So here I am, 21 years old, with one 19 year-old, high school worthy relationship under my belt, and I'm like WHA???? I'm 21. I mean, c'mon, I'm 21. People my age are getting MARRIED, or already are. It's nuts! I can't even imagine being close to someone like that. Truthfully, it freaking scares me. I'm not sure if it's that typical, "I don't want to get hurt thing," because you know me, if it was that, I wouldn't be afraid to say it. It's like, I'm SO used to things staying on the surface. I haven't made it passed a 3rd date to THIS day. You know you can't get anywhere with that. I realize after the 3rd date that I can feel myself slowly attaching, so maybe I run away. I'm so used to the "meet and greet," and realizing right away that I don't see anything happening with this guy. I mean, sure, there's been guys that I could've seen something happening with, but one reason or another, I ran away from it. So what happens now? I might have found someone to go passed this 3rd date point. I mean, we've had our 3 dates, and I'm still interested...so NOW WHAT? Now, I crap myself, and have to decide if I'm to move on into the unknown.