Smiling is cute.

Last weekend I went to Bloomington on Friday for a date. I am still receiving flack for what ended up turning into the longest and best dates of my life. His name is Nick, and we met up Friday night. Well, I ended up staying Saturday night too, because we had so much fun together. It was just very comfortable, and I never have had it happen like that before. We did end up going out drinking that night, which turned out to be a bigger ordeal than I really wanted to take on, because he has cerebral palsy. I'm totally fine with it, I mean his isn't really that bad, BUT when he drinks, he does fall down a lot, so luckily I wasn't that drunk, so I could steady him for the walk home.

Anyway, Sunday I got really sick. Like I thought I was dying sick. My phone had died, and I was laying in bed feeling like the world had literally put all of its atmospheric pressure inside of my skull. So, your first instinct isn't to pick up the phone and call people to tell them how bad you feel, right? Well, I checked my messages on Tuesday, and I hadn't any, so I just figured everyone was just assuming I was staying at his place for a while. No no, apparently my mom was about to file a report with the police, so luckily I called on Wednesday telling her I finally felt better and that I was going to come home. Coincidentally, my mother had been contacting all of my friends, NONE of whom, mind you, live in Bloomington, so none of them knew where I was. Even though, had they gotten ahold of Joy, who DOES live in Bloomington, everything would've been ok.

Long story short, I had a good date, but I've gotten so much flack for it that I almost regret it. I really like this guy though. The only thing that concerns me is the fact that he does like to drink a lot, which is totally ok with me, but with his cerebral palsy he does get a little uncontrollable sometimes, and it scares me that he might hurt himself or something. Plus, he can't drive, so it's a one way distance relationship, which really kind of sucks, because anytime I would want him here for a family gathering, I'd have to go pick him up and bring him back, and do it all over again to take him home. I guess it's sort of karma for not having a car for such a long time, and making Justin pick me up all those times.

Gay Guys Drink.

I just finished a weekend of gay boozing. I say gay, because all of it was either with gay people, or at a gay bar. Seriously, those gays love to drink. I was talking to one guy, and he said that he has been out every night for the past 2 months. TWO MONTHS! That's ridiculous, unhealthy, let alone, expensive. Oddly enough, he had the most obtrusive and typical personality, and afterwards I had to profess my dislike for him. Coincidence? I went out both nights to Greg's, or "Our Place" as the older guys call it because that was it's previous name. SFA took me there, and I think he was in a position to think that it was a date, which I MIGHT have let him believe the week before, but both nights I thought I made it blatantly clear I had no intentions of dating. I kept talking about my interest in other guys and I made sure as to not let him get too close, or kiss me. He's a bit upset now, but he'll get over it. I mean, SFA does stand for "Strictly Friends Aaron." Those were our terms when we first met, because he is the first gay guy friend I have made here in Indy. I find myself to be really uncomfortable in Greg's. I don't feel like I fit into the gay culture, or something like that. A couple of guys on Saturday took it upon themselves to give me some tips on how to dress, and redid the outfit I had been wearing. I feel dumb and naive about things like that. I always find myself shocked in the gay scene, which, you would think by now that nothing would phase me. Everytime...it still does. For instance, there was this adorably cute/hot guy probably around my age, and he was sitting at the bar with this guy who couldn't have been any younger than 55. G-ross. As if that wasn't enough, later I saw them making out, and SFA told me that the old guy is always there with younger guys like that. So, I'm thinking they're either escorts, or they are getting some sort of compensation for it all. I just can't imagine being 22 and being with someone who is more than THIRTY years older than me. Sheesh!

Anyway, the weekend was fun. I met new people, which is always great, and I guess I learned a little more about the gay culture, which is always useful. Maybe one of these days I'll understand it all.

I've been missing Justin a lot lately, yet not in the conventional way. The only time I ever miss him is when I go to bed, and I'm hugging my pillow, I remember how great he felt in my arms. "God himself did make us into corresponding shapes, like puzzle pieces from the clay." Thank The Postal Service and Iron & Wine for those lyrics. Other than that though, I really don't miss him. I was thinking the other day, I didn't even cry over Justin. Not one tear. Then, I couldn't even remember the last time I cried, which is very awkward to me. I am usually so in touch with my feelings. Maybe I've become numb.

It's a little bit funny...

It's a bit ridiculous trying to post at my house. My comptuer, plus the lack of a good connection speed, makes it almost an hour process to just publish one blog post.

I've been looking around lately, and thinking about getting in the dating pool once more. The thing is, all I seem to find are disappointments. Gay men, I swear, are the shadiest type of subculture there is. They are all full of promises, yet when it comes down to something realy, they flake out and disappear. This, of course, is basically referring to meeting people online. I'm not really a bar hopper, so I don't really have any place to meet any single men, so I get on chat rooms, mostly just gay.com. I have been bound to find many a good chat or two, but when it comes down to actually meeting or anything of the sort, the guy will suddenly get "kicked" offline, like that's even a valid excuse anymore. Honestly, how many people still use dialup? Or, I've even had it get so far that we will talk on the phone, and when it comes to getting directions to come pick them up, or something, their phone will miraculously die and I won't be able to get ahold of them again. Uh, hello, plug your damn phone in. It's not that hard.

A bit disappointing all around, but I've gotten cynically used to it.