Smiling is cute.

Last weekend I went to Bloomington on Friday for a date. I am still receiving flack for what ended up turning into the longest and best dates of my life. His name is Nick, and we met up Friday night. Well, I ended up staying Saturday night too, because we had so much fun together. It was just very comfortable, and I never have had it happen like that before. We did end up going out drinking that night, which turned out to be a bigger ordeal than I really wanted to take on, because he has cerebral palsy. I'm totally fine with it, I mean his isn't really that bad, BUT when he drinks, he does fall down a lot, so luckily I wasn't that drunk, so I could steady him for the walk home.

Anyway, Sunday I got really sick. Like I thought I was dying sick. My phone had died, and I was laying in bed feeling like the world had literally put all of its atmospheric pressure inside of my skull. So, your first instinct isn't to pick up the phone and call people to tell them how bad you feel, right? Well, I checked my messages on Tuesday, and I hadn't any, so I just figured everyone was just assuming I was staying at his place for a while. No no, apparently my mom was about to file a report with the police, so luckily I called on Wednesday telling her I finally felt better and that I was going to come home. Coincidentally, my mother had been contacting all of my friends, NONE of whom, mind you, live in Bloomington, so none of them knew where I was. Even though, had they gotten ahold of Joy, who DOES live in Bloomington, everything would've been ok.

Long story short, I had a good date, but I've gotten so much flack for it that I almost regret it. I really like this guy though. The only thing that concerns me is the fact that he does like to drink a lot, which is totally ok with me, but with his cerebral palsy he does get a little uncontrollable sometimes, and it scares me that he might hurt himself or something. Plus, he can't drive, so it's a one way distance relationship, which really kind of sucks, because anytime I would want him here for a family gathering, I'd have to go pick him up and bring him back, and do it all over again to take him home. I guess it's sort of karma for not having a car for such a long time, and making Justin pick me up all those times.

Gay Guys Drink.

I just finished a weekend of gay boozing. I say gay, because all of it was either with gay people, or at a gay bar. Seriously, those gays love to drink. I was talking to one guy, and he said that he has been out every night for the past 2 months. TWO MONTHS! That's ridiculous, unhealthy, let alone, expensive. Oddly enough, he had the most obtrusive and typical personality, and afterwards I had to profess my dislike for him. Coincidence? I went out both nights to Greg's, or "Our Place" as the older guys call it because that was it's previous name. SFA took me there, and I think he was in a position to think that it was a date, which I MIGHT have let him believe the week before, but both nights I thought I made it blatantly clear I had no intentions of dating. I kept talking about my interest in other guys and I made sure as to not let him get too close, or kiss me. He's a bit upset now, but he'll get over it. I mean, SFA does stand for "Strictly Friends Aaron." Those were our terms when we first met, because he is the first gay guy friend I have made here in Indy. I find myself to be really uncomfortable in Greg's. I don't feel like I fit into the gay culture, or something like that. A couple of guys on Saturday took it upon themselves to give me some tips on how to dress, and redid the outfit I had been wearing. I feel dumb and naive about things like that. I always find myself shocked in the gay scene, which, you would think by now that nothing would phase me. Everytime...it still does. For instance, there was this adorably cute/hot guy probably around my age, and he was sitting at the bar with this guy who couldn't have been any younger than 55. G-ross. As if that wasn't enough, later I saw them making out, and SFA told me that the old guy is always there with younger guys like that. So, I'm thinking they're either escorts, or they are getting some sort of compensation for it all. I just can't imagine being 22 and being with someone who is more than THIRTY years older than me. Sheesh!

Anyway, the weekend was fun. I met new people, which is always great, and I guess I learned a little more about the gay culture, which is always useful. Maybe one of these days I'll understand it all.

I've been missing Justin a lot lately, yet not in the conventional way. The only time I ever miss him is when I go to bed, and I'm hugging my pillow, I remember how great he felt in my arms. "God himself did make us into corresponding shapes, like puzzle pieces from the clay." Thank The Postal Service and Iron & Wine for those lyrics. Other than that though, I really don't miss him. I was thinking the other day, I didn't even cry over Justin. Not one tear. Then, I couldn't even remember the last time I cried, which is very awkward to me. I am usually so in touch with my feelings. Maybe I've become numb.

Gay guys camp.

This past weekend I was subjected to a new part of the culture to which I belong. Here in Indiana there is a gay campground. Weird right? Most of the gays I know are like, "Ewwww, dirt!" No no, there's plenty of others. My friend Neil invited me to go down with him in his RV, so it wasn't really roughing it by all means. He said he would provide plenty of alcohol, so of course I was swayed. Why not meet some new people anyway? Driving into the place, after buying a membership, I visibly was the only one there under 30. I'm thinking, "Shit...It's just a bunch of old bears." Well, I guess they're out in their natural habitat, eh? Anyway, we set up camp and stuff, and come 4 o'clock, it was time for the first cocktail. Why not, right? There's really nothing else to do. Enter James Denton. No no, not really, but he looked just like him. Neil was yelling at him out the window, so he came over to talk to us. We were introduced, and basically after that I just stared. Neil was telling him that he should shave, because he was looking a little scruffy, and out of nowhere, I was like, "I think it's sexy." Awkward silence...."Ok...I need to use the facilities, and I walked away. Anyway, the drinking ensued, and I was actually being very responsible about it. I didn't want to get completely hammered, because I didn't know anyone there really, and it was a big huge group of gay guys, who which many of were naked. Actually, I did really well until nearly the end of the night. The jello shots were really what got me, but I remember all of it. Anyway, there's what they call, "The Chicken Coop," which is basically an old barn that they've turned into some sort of sex pit. I walked in, saw the porn playing on the tele, and the swing, wait no, they call it a "sling," that was hanging by it, and a picnic table which had been modified with some padding on it. I was like, "What's that for........Oh...." Silly me. They were like, "It's a good thing you're pretty...." Anyway, this new friend I had made, Andrew, and I went to the chicken coop, because I wanted to check out the selection of porn, to see exactly what was appropriate sex watching while using a sling. Mind you, the alcohol was affecting me, and I had the awesome idea of trying out the sling. So Andrew laaded me up into it (your legs go up in stirrups! It felt like I was going to give birth!), fully clothed, I might add. So I'm laying in it, and honestly, it was pretty damn comfortable. It felt like a hammock! Some old guy appeared in the doorway, and I hurriedly jumped out of it as fast as I could saying, "No no, I'm not here for that..." and stuff along those lines. Luckily, I shooed him away, and I decided it was time to leave the coop. Later, I was told of, "Fort Dicks," (which I thought they should dub Fort Dix, because it's more classy) which is basically a privacy fence around a picnic table, and guys go there at night-time for anonymous sex. It's not right really, or safe, but that sort of thing is quite common with our culture. Anyway, Andrew and I went to it, because I was curious as to what it looked like, and luckily, no one was in there. 2 guys eventually did come in later, but I was trying to make it a social event, trying to get their names and introduce myself. When I was greeted with looks of disdain, I decided it was best if I were to pop out of there, just to make sure nothing actually happened to me that I didn't want to allow. Actually, I ended up hanging out with one of those guys the next day, but didn't realize it until halfway through. It was pretty unnerving, but I still had fun. There was a lot more promiscuity, and approaches by older men than I would've wanted, but other than that, it was enjoyable, and I got to meet some new people.