I decided.

I chose Justin. He finally is back from winter vacation, and we had our first sleep over at his house. It was really, really nice. He took me out for a few drinks, danced a little, then we just spent the rest of the night in bed and watching movies. Well, that should be "watching." haha. Though, it was a little awkward, I'm not gonna lie. We attempted to have sex, and I don't know if I was too drunk or what, which I don't think I was, but it didn't work. Like, it just wouldn't go in and stay in...lol, I don't know. That was kind of awkward. Then the next morning we were making out and he was on top of me, and we were kissing and then all of the sudden he was breathing a lot harder and started to moan a little. I thought I felt wetness on my stomach, but I was like 'no....he couldn't have.' He rolled off of me, and I reach down to find that, sure enough, he had splooged all over my belly. He was then in this strange 'Don't touch me,' mode, so I felt a little neglected. That left me a little pissed off, and still horny, so we barely spoke on the ride home. Actually, on that ride home I got so pissed off in our silence that I thought to myself, 'God, I don't want to see him ever again.'

Then, after going home, taking a shower, and going to my job interview, my mind was clear enough to think about him again, and I was overwhelmed with this awesome sense of desire. I can't help it, I simply adore him. I did catch myself that morning looking over at him and thought, 'Jeez...look at my cute boyfriend. Woah...calm down, he's not your boyfriend yet.' LoL. I can't help what I think sometimes. I really started to freak out, like seriously almost had a panic attack at dinner with my family because I'm so in new territory, and I don't know what I think about.

Yesterday I was kind of still flipping out, because he hasn't necessarily been paying much attention to me, like he may be avoiding me. When I brought it up to my friend Tony, he was like, "Dude, just chill out, if you fall in love, then it will happen when it happens. Just let things happen, and don't think too much." He's so right! I mean, fuck it! If he doesn't want to spend time with me then clearly I don't need to be wasting anything on him. So I'm just gonna go with the flow. If we do continue to see each other, which I hope we do, I am going to try to not bring up the "exclusive talk," and wait to see if he will.

'Til next time...

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