Saturday we got up and went to lunch at this Guatemalan place that wasn't the best of food, and headed over to see the civil war re-enactment. It was kind of strange. It was a good 20-25 minutes of shooting before someone died. Also, it ended with the Confederates winning. I understand that they DID win some battles, but you think if they're depicting a battle, they would choose the one that was important...ya know...where the Union won. He asked me to stay the night again later on.
Chinese for dinner, bottle of wine, finally I kissed him, played N64, watched some comedy. Something seemed to be missing though: affection. I'm a very affectionate guy, when it comes to dating. I pretty much like to be near, touching, or cuddling anytime we can. It's not like we can openly do that in public, so when I'm in private, I'm like "Put it on me!" He seemed perfectly fine with sitting on the couch like we were two straight guys, or strangers. It bothered me, and honestly I was just ready for Ellen to shut the fuck up so we could go to bed and Sunday, the day I would go home would come sooner. While sitting on the love seat, I said something about looking for an affectionate partner, and I mentioned something along the lines, "So it's not lookin' good for you!" I know it was a joking tone, but I was totally being sincere, and he seemed to shrug it off. Later, in bed, I was ready to end things. He started petting my hand, like I was a cat, and I told him, "Don't even try now...it's too late." Then it sprung into my mind that this meant I would never see him again, and I decided to engage in a conversation about our intentions and feelings. It was really my first conversation of that kind, since Baker never said anything with meaning unless it was online. So I kind of felt like I was just throwing things out there, and he wasn't really answering that well, but I decided I'd give it a shot. We cuddled in bed and such, but once again, on Sunday, it pretty much stopped after the day had started. He seems reluctant to kiss me, turning his head when one should be interested in doing just so.
It concerns me, because this is the launch of a possible relationship, and this is the stage that usually people are all over each other, or at least want to be. I'm afraid that if it's already like this, what's going to happen when the dust settles? Never touch? I couldn't do that. It's strange, I'm finally sitting here at the initiation of a relationship, and I'm looking at possibly throwing it away. I never thought it'd be like this, but I've never had anyone act this way. I guess it's strange going from Andrew to Justin, because from the first date, Andrew couldn't keep off of me, and I liked it. It's almost like I've traveled to the other pole.
I know I feel like I'm singing "More Than Words," by Westlife. (Click the title of the song there and you can refresh your memory on those lyrics.) I couldn't get that song out of my head all day, and then oddly enough I heard it at Wendy's when we were eating. I like the boy a bunch. He called today and after talking to him I grew fond of him again, and can't really imagine giving it all away. I guess I need to just be patient.