The Cynical Hopeless Romantic

Today turned out to be a suprisingly efficient day. I went to dinner for Mother's Day at my Aunt Christi's house, and then stopped by Jarred's to see how graduation went.

Sigh... Then my mother dragged me to Taco Bell, which was actually a task with an alterior motive. She wanted to "talk" about my life situation, where I see things going, what's dragging me down, why I'm still in depression, why I'm so angry at her all the time...and so on. The conversation I NEVER really wanted to have, and pretty much avoided at all costs by running out the door so she can't capture me. It actually turned out to be a rather productive speech. I said things that, in hindsight, might not have said with some clear thinking, but I think all the pent-up rage being released was a healthy, growing excercise between our relationship. A lot of our anger is redirected from whom it should be focused on...THE OLD PEOPLE.

Date #3 with Justin is planned this weekend. We're going to see a Civil War re-enactment. I know some of you may say "oh....AWESOME," (Jarred), but I've gotta give 'em somethin'. That's certainly the first time I've been asked out to one of those. It was so funny the way he asked, so proper and planned. "I was wondering if you'd like to accompany me to this Civil War re-enactment, and then afterward I thought we could go back to my place and see where things go." I had to hold back a chuckle at the thoughtful, pre-planned delivery, but I thought it was kind of adorable that he spent the time doing just so. Our phone conversations are so pleasing, that I wish I could break the barrier down and get that connection in real life. Now that I know his intentions, I think I can do that. We were talking about raising children as a joke, and he was talking about his kids and Father's Day, and I said something like, "Well, I'm sure that's where the mother figure uses her money and SAYS it's from the kids." (The gift of course.) He replied saying that there would be no mother figure, and I was a little exasperated saying that I assumed he would be raising children with a partner. He said, "Oh...so...that'd be you!" You know me, I melted a little (puke), and I introduced him to my ultimate power of making something romantic and then ripping it all away.

An excerpt.

Me: "At least I'd get to spend time with you."


Me: Puke...I can't believe I said that. See what I did there, I was romantic then took it all away as to show my two sided feelings toward relationships. The cynical hopeless romantic.